its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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