how can u be prego again
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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