we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
