wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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