Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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