And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
