No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
