be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
