One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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