How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can I color on your dick again?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
