Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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