it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
