I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
