Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
