You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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