man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
