that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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