If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
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I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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