I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
