C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
