my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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