he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it's great music for shaving your balls
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
