lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
