So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
