It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
