hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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