And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
