Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
