so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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