He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Fuck appropriateness.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
