I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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