He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
