how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
