If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
