Im at strip club and am horny
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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