Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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