Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
