Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
