Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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