I have demons in me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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