I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Two words: blizzard sex
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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