why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
