best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
