I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
