I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
