Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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