I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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