haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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