Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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