If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
