shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how can u be prego again
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
