Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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