Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
