her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
