There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
