I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
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Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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