Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
