I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
