his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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