matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
