Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
