I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
