i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
love makes seman taste better
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
