Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
