Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
