You smell like stripper and shame
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
