so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
