i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm at about main and main street
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
