ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
