Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
