If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i love accidental penises.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
