I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
