I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize