I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
