What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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