false alarm. still invincible.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
