I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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