i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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